Idols versus the Redeemer

Journaling is an awesome thing. When I don't do it, I can't remember anything and I feel unfaithful. Sometimes though, when I do journal, I feel like I do it just to say that I did it. What really needs to happen is for the journaling to be an overflow of what's in my heart rather than using writing to stir up something in my heart.

Last week I didn't journal a single day. I opened my notebook on Sunday at church and the last thing I had written was notes from a week earlier. I started to feel like the journal I was writing, while implementing Bible verses, was really just all about me.

I watched Reba the other day and heard something like this:
In the world there are lots of planets orbiting around lots of suns. There are lots of suns orbiting inside lots of galaxies, and lots of galaxies orbiting in the grand realm of "space." They all orbit around something. And that center of the universe... is not YOU!

I thought it was funny, but that's what God's telling me today.

Yesterday through Ruthie Dean's blog, I came to read Ezekiel 16 and the Lord showed me that my unfaithfulness is disgusting. He painted a picture of his incarnate Love who remains faithful to a forever covenant even in the face of my idolatrous heart.

Today I read Isaiah 43-44. Repeatedly God says that His glory is His purpose (as well as mine). He didn't save me to make me look good. He redeemed me, called me, created me, chose me, forgives me "for [Him]self that they might declare [His] praise" (43:21). There is no god but the God. There's God and there's idols. Who will you choose to serve?

a letter to me...

It is so cool to see God answering prayers in different ways. I've had prayers that it seems like there's no answer or that it's "no," but other answers to prayer are starting to be unveiled. I've always "known" that God answers prayer in His timing, but I'm starting to see how annoying that is for a selfish impatient daughter. In little ways, God answers me every day. When I feel so tired and unmotivated to do anything because my school is stupid and the people at my school are less than smart and I'd just rather be doing anything else... God gives me the encouragement and motivation I need. It seems like every Tuesday sucks for me until the last part of my day... so I thought last night "I need to write a letter to myself to read every Tuesday that will give me a little hope."

Dear me,
Let's face it. Tuesdays suck. It's not Monday, but it's not Friday. Even Mondays are better! You get pretty much no time to yourself. Your teachers are just annoyingly chipper and critical of everything you actually like. Chapel usually is overrated. You'll just eat lunch with the same people again and then try not to fall asleep in class....again. Then you'll go to work and your kids will decide to be extraordinarily inquisitive just because they can tell you have a headache from your lack of caffeine. Just be extra sweet to them. Because even if you're "extra sweet" today... it'll just be your normal patience level on a regular day that doesn't suck this bad. That one girl that's always super loud (what is she deaf in one ear or something?), she's gonna poke you over and over to get your attention, so just give her a hug instead of yelling at her to stop being a pest. Smile at all the parents, because hey! They're taking their kid with them! What more could you ask for? Okay... only a few more hours. I know you've been contemplating all day whether or not you really want to go to church tonight. You do. Just go. You never walk away thinking "dang it. why did I go? I could be asleep right now." And every time you skip? There's always those people who are like "You missed out last night." And you just regret it. So go. You get to sing songs that actually mean something, talk to people who have the same struggles you do, listen to music that is actually well done and it won't be those people from chapel that you're thinking "ugh...you again? just stop singing." - it's actually people who are good at what they do. You get to hear from someone about the best thing ever to talk about - your precious Savior who is always faithful and never runs out on you. Have you ever NOT learned something from whoever is preaching on a Tuesday night? Um... nope. So be excited! go! And be happy about it dang it! Then just go home and go to sleep.
You're welcome,
me.

Welcome to a little bit of my thoughts to myself....

the inside of my twirling universe

These words can't accurately say what I mean, but it's the closest I can come. God is SO good. He is more than I deserve and blesses me in so many ways every single day. I am so thrilled by the fact I get to spend eternity with him forever. Let me tell you about him...

My God didn't make me perfect. He had a better plan. He loves me anyway, and decided to make a plan of redemption instead of a person of perfection... He hears me. He answers me even when I can't see the answers! Today I've recognized a couple more answers to prayer.

My day was incredibly busy (ihatethis) from school, to work, to church... and there's 13 hours of my life gone. With a life like that it's hard to find time to think about God, but he's made himself SO evident in my life. First... the sunrise was simply amazing and beautiful. He reminds me to work on my memory verses before my mind gets too overloaded. My God never gives up on me. I am blessed this semester to have a class (maybe I've talked about it), the psychology of caring for your soul. This class isn't just a class. It is providing me with the opportunity to read 2 books devoted to the idea of re-forming my character to be more like Christ. So even within my busy day, I have a class like this to help me slow down and think about my inner-self and not all that's spinning around me. I feel like it's just a bonus to get college credit for this "work."

After school I go work with my kiddos, who by the way are so impressive. I could brag about them for a while... They make me so proud and I smile constantly because of them. I got to play soccer with a couple boys today and that was the highlight of my day. ANOTHER blessing. I can't explain how I even got the job working with these little people, but God gave it to me.

After work I met with a friend and got to share a little of what's been happening with my life and some of my answers to prayer. She's an awesome listener... I feel like I talked the whole time, but she told me I was an encouragement to her and I thank God for that... I totally wasn't meeting up with her to think "I'm gunna ENCOURAGE her and be a blessing!" But God works things out beautifully.

After friend time, I went to the college service at church... blessing after blessing after blessing (I need a new word for blessing) has come to me through this church. Last summer that very friend I met with today prayed with me about finding a church I could get connected with where God wants me to be. 6 months later, I'm at Brainerd Baptist and am so much more engaged in my relationship with the Lord. Anyway, the Word preached was about building an authentic Biblical community. I prayed that God will help me to bear other people's burdens (not praying with any specific person in mind) and to reach out to others instead of thinking about myself all the time. I didn't realize it until I was driving home that within an hour God answered that.

I got to talk with a (new) friend and I was just saying hello but she opened up to me and let me share some of her burdens and also helped me bear some of mine. I am sooo moved by her heart for God and how brokenhearted she is when she knows something is not the way it should be with her Savior. We prayed together and the way she used Scripture and song lyrics throughout her prayer was beautiful. I love the fact that I can pray with a friend openly, not worrying about what people think but only focusing on possibly the only thing we have in common - our Lord.

God is working on me in many ways... so pray with me that I will be who he wants me to be as an individual but more as a part of a community, a family of believers. I want to find my place within this church (and by church I mean body of believers in Christ, not a building) to do the things God commands - to help people with their problems, to point out sin when it needs to be confronted, to encourage each other in the Word, to pray with people...and whatever else He has in mind.

I am blessed beyond what I can tell you in a blog... or in person. or anywhere.
I looked up "blessed" on thesaurus.com and the only synonym I like enough to mention is "redeemed" but even so, that's not what I mean.
Praise God with me... pray with me, tell me how I can pray for you.

spiritual goals

I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions. I don't have anything against them, persay. But if I make up my mind to do something, I can do it anytime... and generally there's nothing that really hits me on Dec. 31. But for those who enjoy the "new start" (which is really just the next day), kudos to you for setting goals. Being the beginning of this year, my church is starting a new study called The Pursuit, focusing how to pursue godliness through spiritual disciplines. The reason I love this: Church is a body of believers who need to be fed spiritually. This is very practical for believers. Drives me crazy to be preached to in church as if the audience is unsaved. Today's message was on The Pursuit of Godliness. Don't stop reading now thinking I'm just repreaching what was already preached... I'm gettin to the point, just hang on. In 1 Timothy 4, Paul likens spiritual growth and training to physical growth and training. So many people set physical goals, but unless these goals are detailed, they probably won't last very long - especially not all year. The question was asked... What is your spiritual goal this year?

While I'm not into making up resolutions that I won't keep anyway, this question is legit and there's no reason I shouldn't have a spiritual goal. So I went home and thought this through... I first scribbled some general goals, just as a starting point. Then moved to specific goals - the same goals, just refining them. The general goals answered the question "What?" ... what did I wanna do, how do I wanna change? The specific goals answered the questions "how?" and "when?". I'm thankful to have been challenged to do this. After coming up with how and when and struggling along the way as to what's biblical and what's heresay, I turned the page and asked "why?" I'll share all this with you... not to brag or show off, but so that you can help keep me accountable, and maybe help me answer this one thing I struggle with.

General: what?

• memorize scripture and review often
• finish study of Colossians
• finish study of Holy Spirit (Chan)
• apply prinicples from messages in church
• be more bold with my faith and sharing the gospel
• pray more intimately with God
• love God with more than my mind - move facts from head to heart and take action
• finish Proverbs in January

Specific: how? when?

• follow the plan on the bookmark (which I also picked up from church... here's a link if you want to print your own. I have set 2.) set 1 set 2 - Start on Sundays, review on Saturdays - Sunday if I miss.
• Finish Colossians by end of February -- March 1
• Finish Holy Spirit study by summer -- June 1(ish)
• notecards with application points, sticky notes
• pray for boldness, look for opportunities, don't quench the leading of Spirit
  This is the one I have trouble with. Do I really need to wait for the Spirit to lead me to share the gospel with someone? The Bible says, proclaim the gospel. However, it's probably not wise to stop every single person in your path and start preaching Romans 3:23. But isn't that what the disciples did- preach all the time? But aren't there other ways to share the gospel than my literally preaching? Yes, by the way you live. Do I need to set a goal i.e. share the gospel with 4 people each week? That's what some legalistic churches I've been in would say. I know I've felt the Spirit leading me to talk to a particular person about Christ and share the entire gospel, and ignored it. So, in fact, the Spirit does tell me with whom to share. ... I could go back and forth all day. Please, share your thoughts on this. 
• Learn how to pray from Scripture - study this in Summer
• Ask God for a soft heart and teachable spirit, sensitive to the Holy Spirit

Why?? Coming from my family, "because I said so" is a good enough answer. Thankfully, God isn't like Paul (my dad, not the apostle) in this area! He actually gives us many reasons beyond "because I said so."

• The value of this extends to eternity 1Timothy 4:8
• For discipline Hebrews 12:10-14 -- for our good , so we may share in God's holiness, it yields fruit - righteousness, and without discipline, no one will see the Lord!
• to please God 1 Thessalonians 4:2-8 -- God calls me to holiness; if I disregard his commandments, I'm disregarding God Himself. (not really where I wanna be)
• reap eternal life Galatians 6:6-10 --Basically, you reap what you sow. Don't grow weary.
• God is faithful to do His part; I must be faithful to do my part. 1 Corinthians 3:5-9
• I'm called to be holy. 1 Peter 1:13-16
• and lastly... because I'm me... why not??

God certainly sent this message to me just in time. This week I start school, which makes my spiritual life suffer because "I don't have time" and "I don't feel like it." God doesn't take excuses though. I am obligated as God's child to worship Him with my entire life, and spiritually train myself for godliness. 

Galatians 6:9 gives encouragement not to give up - "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Isaiah 40:8  - my memory verse for this week (first verse on that bookmark) also gives a little push - "The grass withers, the flower fades, but the Word of our God will stand forever." Nothing else I'm doing really matters as much as learning the Word of God. The boring stuff I learn in school won't matter after finals in May and I won't remember it when I'm old. This is the only thing that matters.

I encourage you to pray about spiritual goals you have for yourself, and allow God to lead you as you write them out, general, specific, asking what? when? where? how? and why? Share them with a friend (me if you like ;)) and check on them every couple of weeks to see where you are. Are are you on track? Let's help each other out.

This was my memory verse from last week.
I wrote it on a sticky note and
stuck it on my computer,
took a picture of it,
made it look cool and
set it as the background on my phone...
works for me.