I'm not okay, you're not okay

Self-esteem. Self-worth. Self-image.

Besides your gen psych class... what do those make you think of? Many things come to my mind.
I've posted things online before about how some people have no self-esteem and that's why they let people run over them and aren't respected as a woman or whoever else.
Just last week my friend wrote a blog about worth, saying we are all someone worth dying for (based on that song).
Self-image ties in somewhat but is really a different topic.

This is an area where I've struggled, not because I feel worthless or like I have no reason to live (like others have struggled) but I struggle with where we get this idea that we have self-esteem, that we're worthy of esteem, that we're worthy of anything. I would argue that no one person is worthy of being able to live today. I would also argue to a pregnant girl that her baby deserves to live. These can't be reconciled in my mind; I don't understand it. One of the books (clickhere) I'm reading for my psychology class (psychology of caring for your soul) deals with the revolution of character and the assigned chapter for this next week is called "A Magnificent Ruin." I don't know about anyone else, but I personally think it's kinda depressing! (true, but still depressing)

This is what the Bible says about people in general:


Psalm 14:2-3

The LORD looks down from heaven on the children of man, to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God. They have all turned aside; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one.

Romans 3:10-18
 “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one. Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive. The venom of asps is under their lips. Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery, and the way of peace they have not known. There is no fear of God before their eyes.”


(See Ephesians 4:17-19 and 2 Timothy 3:1-5 if you really wanna feel AWESOME about yourself...)

After reading this, how good can you really feel about yourself? We have absolutely nothing to brag about... so how can you say I'm worth dying for? Clearly, I'M NOT and that's what makes the gospel so beautiful.

(Let me stop now and tell you that if you're looking for this to make sense by the end of the post... just quit now. It won't.)

Our biggest problem is that we think we're God. We thrive on playing God - being in control, knowing everything. Our only hope is in Christ. Without Him, we have nothing to live for. It is in Him that we find worth and purpose for our lives. From Willard's book,

"Only with this confession [Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is more deceitful than all else] is a foundation laid for formation into Christlikeness." We can't begin to look like Christ thinking we're anything good. It starts with humbly admitting you're screwed up. "Our inital move toward Christlikeness cannot be toward self-esteem. Realistically, I'm not okay, and you're not okay. We're all in serious trouble. That must be our starting point. Self-esteem in our situation will only breed self-deception and frustration. Regardless of what we may say to 'pump ourselves up' or what others might tell us, we are better off not concealing or denying who we really are."

In recent years, schools have been pushing the concept of self-esteem. We must build students' self-esteem and make them believe they can succeed. They can do anything they apply themselves to. They are good enough to make it in the world. They have a reason to try, to live, etc... While I totally agree that students, especially teenagers, need motivation and people to believe in their ability to succeed, I also believe that succeeding is not the purpose for living.

The purpose for living, the purpose for Jesus dying on the cross, the purpose for the Bible being written... is not for us to succeed and have a nice life. It's for God's glory. The purpose in living is to advance the kingdom of God. Jesus didn't die because I'm worthy for him to come save me. He died because God showed mercy, grace, and love and planned this. The Bible is written, yes, for us to know how to live - in order to give God glory. In this - bringing God glory - we can find worth, only because of Christ.

I'm starting to go in circles here... but also from Willard's book, a C.S. Lewis quote:

The dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you said it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare . . . . There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, culture, arts, civilizations - these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.

This is something I almost hate to discuss because I'm not comfortable with the end result (not understanding it). But I also love to explore it for the very same reason. I just don't get it... I'd love your opinion/thoughts/arguments/anything you have to say ...

Why?

I've started blogs before, pointlessly. They help me vent for a minute about the people I won't actually face, say the things I wouldn't really say out loud because it's just inappropriate, and get feelings out of my mind, on to proverbial paper to look at and organize my thoughts. Sometimes I take my thoughts to my friends and bounce things off them, but many times it returns void and I end up running in circles confused about what actions to take. So here in cyberworld the blinking curser is my friend who listens without judging or trying to fix me. It just waits patiently for me to express myself and even lets me back up and erase things that I didn't want to say.  The curser is almost as good of a friend as my dog, but the curser doesn't fall asleep or get distracted by dumb little things.


So, the purpose of this particular post is to tell you the purpose of the blog. The purpose of the blog is to challenge me to write at least once a week about my week, how I feel about things, what's going on around me, and just life in general. I think it will be cool to see progress over a month, a semester, 6 months, then maybe next year, I'll be just as bored over Christmas break as I am this year, and I can go back and read at least 52 of my own blog posts! (howboring...) When I think about what I was doing this time last year... I'm glad I've grown since then. I think I was at the tip of my iceberg of stupidity concerning my relations with people and when the tip finally broke off, I found myself looking absurdly wet and freezing, alone. So, I'm not sure how far I've moved in the other direction, but at least I've moved away from that point even if it's closer to the neutral - not incredibly dumb but not so impressively smart either.


Here, I could give a bulleted list of my "new year's resolutions" which I'd have to spend a few minutes thinking up, and wouldn't really keep because I never meant them in the first place. But, instead I'll just set a goal that this time next year, I'll read this and at least notice something different.


I always feel like I have to have a proper ending to a post. I usually just run out of things to say. Like now.

The purpose of this picture is just for facebook to have a thumbnail for the link to my blog... but I thought it's appropriate as I set out on this "road" of weekly scribbling.