I Can't Get Over You

Tonight I'm praying. Not exclusively. Actually it's kinda the last thing I'm doing. But I'm praying. Because I don't want to talk to anyone but someone who understands me. And only my Creator can.

I'm praying for someone else who can understand me. I'm not praying for a husband who's pure or godly or strong or educated or emotionally stable or popular or passionate. Not tonight. I'm praying for a man who can just understand me. Which... is probably more than all of those things put together.

Sometimes, the week just piles up on you. Even after you skip school and eat a bunch of chocolate, it's just not enough to soothe my soul. I love my job. I love my children more than I ever imagined I would love a little person. But they don't give you any alone time. They want you there constantly. They always have a question, always have something to show off, and need a bandaid or a hug. And I love that about them. I love that they need me. But I need me time. And after a while, I just have to get away. From my little loves, from my friends, from my family, from my home... and just be alone.

So... what happens when I'm married and have kids? When I have a defeating week, I can't just run out on them. I can't just leave the house without my phone and not worry then. And so I'm praying for a husband who understands me. Who knows how to detect that I'm tired and hormonal and broken. Who knows what I need when all those words describe me, and who doesn't feel abandoned because I need a minute alone. The more I think about all that I want, the more I realize I should really be praying for him because he's gunna need the Lord's help to be all this for me. And I know he's not perfect, but I'm praying.

The first time I heard this song, I watched the acoustic video of them singing it and my heart swelled up. That video is no longer available (sad day), but I found this one about "behind the song" and it may even fit better with this post. 

Even though I loved the voices and melody, the words of this song made me a little critical. I'm not really into songs about God that could be sung to your boyfriend as well. But the more I hear this and really meditate on it, the less I am critical. 

I'm so thankful that even though I'm an emotional roller coaster some weeks, and one day I'm your friend and the next I'm not, God's not like that. He's always the same. He remains and his love is the same even when I'm 2-faced. 

"I can't get over you" isn't about a bad break-up. It's about how overwhelming the Lord's love is, especially when we resist it. His love has covered me. 

"I can't get over the way your love stays the same O Lord. I can't get over the way your love stays the same. Even through the good and the bad times, you stay the same. So my song will remain.

Hold me just a little bit closer, I don't wanna lose this moment. Your love has covered me and now I can't get over you."

"This moment" isn't embracing someone for those last 5 minutes before curfew. And a relationship with God shouldn't be based on emotions, but it is emotional. We are emotional. So there are moments when you just stop and see God. Tonight I just left my phone behind and drove. Into nature, into the sunset and open fields. I definitely want to live out in the country and not in a neighborhood some day. I was admiring the fields and horses and felt like I was in Ireland or Scotland with all the green around me and hills in the distance. But I eventually just had to stop. In the middle of the highway, I just stopped my car and sat down to watch the sun go down, to think about how beautiful the Lord is, and that was one of those moments when I just couldn't get over Him. I wanted to be held even closer. And the good thing is, I never have to say "goodnight" to God. He'll hold me as long as I hold onto Him and still doesn't let go when I run away. So when I listened to this song on my way home and heard "I don't wanna lose this moment," I understood it in a new way. God promises that when we pursue a relationship with Him, we'll find him. When I draw close to God, he'll come close to me. 

Going back to the husband thing, with a God like that, obviously no man can compare. But I'm praying for a man that can imitate that love for me that my Father has and that God will (in time) reveal to this man how to deal with me (because it'll likely take a revelation from God for someone to understand all this complicated mess). 

So... no matter how many annoying, stressful, insignificant yet urgent things are going on around me, my song should remain. I need to still praise Him.

"I will sing to the Lord as long as I live;

I will sing praise to my God while I have being.

May my meditation be pleasing to him,

for I rejoice in the Lord."

Psalm 104:33-34