the inside of my twirling universe

These words can't accurately say what I mean, but it's the closest I can come. God is SO good. He is more than I deserve and blesses me in so many ways every single day. I am so thrilled by the fact I get to spend eternity with him forever. Let me tell you about him...

My God didn't make me perfect. He had a better plan. He loves me anyway, and decided to make a plan of redemption instead of a person of perfection... He hears me. He answers me even when I can't see the answers! Today I've recognized a couple more answers to prayer.

My day was incredibly busy (ihatethis) from school, to work, to church... and there's 13 hours of my life gone. With a life like that it's hard to find time to think about God, but he's made himself SO evident in my life. First... the sunrise was simply amazing and beautiful. He reminds me to work on my memory verses before my mind gets too overloaded. My God never gives up on me. I am blessed this semester to have a class (maybe I've talked about it), the psychology of caring for your soul. This class isn't just a class. It is providing me with the opportunity to read 2 books devoted to the idea of re-forming my character to be more like Christ. So even within my busy day, I have a class like this to help me slow down and think about my inner-self and not all that's spinning around me. I feel like it's just a bonus to get college credit for this "work."

After school I go work with my kiddos, who by the way are so impressive. I could brag about them for a while... They make me so proud and I smile constantly because of them. I got to play soccer with a couple boys today and that was the highlight of my day. ANOTHER blessing. I can't explain how I even got the job working with these little people, but God gave it to me.

After work I met with a friend and got to share a little of what's been happening with my life and some of my answers to prayer. She's an awesome listener... I feel like I talked the whole time, but she told me I was an encouragement to her and I thank God for that... I totally wasn't meeting up with her to think "I'm gunna ENCOURAGE her and be a blessing!" But God works things out beautifully.

After friend time, I went to the college service at church... blessing after blessing after blessing (I need a new word for blessing) has come to me through this church. Last summer that very friend I met with today prayed with me about finding a church I could get connected with where God wants me to be. 6 months later, I'm at Brainerd Baptist and am so much more engaged in my relationship with the Lord. Anyway, the Word preached was about building an authentic Biblical community. I prayed that God will help me to bear other people's burdens (not praying with any specific person in mind) and to reach out to others instead of thinking about myself all the time. I didn't realize it until I was driving home that within an hour God answered that.

I got to talk with a (new) friend and I was just saying hello but she opened up to me and let me share some of her burdens and also helped me bear some of mine. I am sooo moved by her heart for God and how brokenhearted she is when she knows something is not the way it should be with her Savior. We prayed together and the way she used Scripture and song lyrics throughout her prayer was beautiful. I love the fact that I can pray with a friend openly, not worrying about what people think but only focusing on possibly the only thing we have in common - our Lord.

God is working on me in many ways... so pray with me that I will be who he wants me to be as an individual but more as a part of a community, a family of believers. I want to find my place within this church (and by church I mean body of believers in Christ, not a building) to do the things God commands - to help people with their problems, to point out sin when it needs to be confronted, to encourage each other in the Word, to pray with people...and whatever else He has in mind.

I am blessed beyond what I can tell you in a blog... or in person. or anywhere.
I looked up "blessed" on thesaurus.com and the only synonym I like enough to mention is "redeemed" but even so, that's not what I mean.
Praise God with me... pray with me, tell me how I can pray for you.

spiritual goals

I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions. I don't have anything against them, persay. But if I make up my mind to do something, I can do it anytime... and generally there's nothing that really hits me on Dec. 31. But for those who enjoy the "new start" (which is really just the next day), kudos to you for setting goals. Being the beginning of this year, my church is starting a new study called The Pursuit, focusing how to pursue godliness through spiritual disciplines. The reason I love this: Church is a body of believers who need to be fed spiritually. This is very practical for believers. Drives me crazy to be preached to in church as if the audience is unsaved. Today's message was on The Pursuit of Godliness. Don't stop reading now thinking I'm just repreaching what was already preached... I'm gettin to the point, just hang on. In 1 Timothy 4, Paul likens spiritual growth and training to physical growth and training. So many people set physical goals, but unless these goals are detailed, they probably won't last very long - especially not all year. The question was asked... What is your spiritual goal this year?

While I'm not into making up resolutions that I won't keep anyway, this question is legit and there's no reason I shouldn't have a spiritual goal. So I went home and thought this through... I first scribbled some general goals, just as a starting point. Then moved to specific goals - the same goals, just refining them. The general goals answered the question "What?" ... what did I wanna do, how do I wanna change? The specific goals answered the questions "how?" and "when?". I'm thankful to have been challenged to do this. After coming up with how and when and struggling along the way as to what's biblical and what's heresay, I turned the page and asked "why?" I'll share all this with you... not to brag or show off, but so that you can help keep me accountable, and maybe help me answer this one thing I struggle with.

General: what?

• memorize scripture and review often
• finish study of Colossians
• finish study of Holy Spirit (Chan)
• apply prinicples from messages in church
• be more bold with my faith and sharing the gospel
• pray more intimately with God
• love God with more than my mind - move facts from head to heart and take action
• finish Proverbs in January

Specific: how? when?

• follow the plan on the bookmark (which I also picked up from church... here's a link if you want to print your own. I have set 2.) set 1 set 2 - Start on Sundays, review on Saturdays - Sunday if I miss.
• Finish Colossians by end of February -- March 1
• Finish Holy Spirit study by summer -- June 1(ish)
• notecards with application points, sticky notes
• pray for boldness, look for opportunities, don't quench the leading of Spirit
  This is the one I have trouble with. Do I really need to wait for the Spirit to lead me to share the gospel with someone? The Bible says, proclaim the gospel. However, it's probably not wise to stop every single person in your path and start preaching Romans 3:23. But isn't that what the disciples did- preach all the time? But aren't there other ways to share the gospel than my literally preaching? Yes, by the way you live. Do I need to set a goal i.e. share the gospel with 4 people each week? That's what some legalistic churches I've been in would say. I know I've felt the Spirit leading me to talk to a particular person about Christ and share the entire gospel, and ignored it. So, in fact, the Spirit does tell me with whom to share. ... I could go back and forth all day. Please, share your thoughts on this. 
• Learn how to pray from Scripture - study this in Summer
• Ask God for a soft heart and teachable spirit, sensitive to the Holy Spirit

Why?? Coming from my family, "because I said so" is a good enough answer. Thankfully, God isn't like Paul (my dad, not the apostle) in this area! He actually gives us many reasons beyond "because I said so."

• The value of this extends to eternity 1Timothy 4:8
• For discipline Hebrews 12:10-14 -- for our good , so we may share in God's holiness, it yields fruit - righteousness, and without discipline, no one will see the Lord!
• to please God 1 Thessalonians 4:2-8 -- God calls me to holiness; if I disregard his commandments, I'm disregarding God Himself. (not really where I wanna be)
• reap eternal life Galatians 6:6-10 --Basically, you reap what you sow. Don't grow weary.
• God is faithful to do His part; I must be faithful to do my part. 1 Corinthians 3:5-9
• I'm called to be holy. 1 Peter 1:13-16
• and lastly... because I'm me... why not??

God certainly sent this message to me just in time. This week I start school, which makes my spiritual life suffer because "I don't have time" and "I don't feel like it." God doesn't take excuses though. I am obligated as God's child to worship Him with my entire life, and spiritually train myself for godliness. 

Galatians 6:9 gives encouragement not to give up - "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Isaiah 40:8  - my memory verse for this week (first verse on that bookmark) also gives a little push - "The grass withers, the flower fades, but the Word of our God will stand forever." Nothing else I'm doing really matters as much as learning the Word of God. The boring stuff I learn in school won't matter after finals in May and I won't remember it when I'm old. This is the only thing that matters.

I encourage you to pray about spiritual goals you have for yourself, and allow God to lead you as you write them out, general, specific, asking what? when? where? how? and why? Share them with a friend (me if you like ;)) and check on them every couple of weeks to see where you are. Are are you on track? Let's help each other out.

This was my memory verse from last week.
I wrote it on a sticky note and
stuck it on my computer,
took a picture of it,
made it look cool and
set it as the background on my phone...
works for me.

Joy and Peace

It's always easier to stay faithful to studying the Bible when I'm in a routine. Last semester it was great not having to go to work until noon 3 days a week, then having school only 2 days a week. Especially on MWF, I could wake up at 9, take my time waking up, take my time studying, and still have time to get ready to go. When the cycle is broken, I struggle to make myself have a special time to focus only on my relationship with Christ. However, if I'm home alone especially in the mornings, and have nothing to really do that day, I can still make time easily. When I start traveling and stay at other peoples' houses, that's the hardest for me. It's hard to stay in one place and not really be bothered with anyone else for 30 minutes to an hour unless I wake up early or strain myself to stay up later. Let's face it, no one wants to wake up early... especially not on vacation. And when it's time to go to sleep after I've already fallen asleep watching a movie, I tell myself, "I'll just do it in the morning" and so it continues. 


Before Christmas break I was studying Philippians through a book by Kay Arthur and David Lawson, That I May Know Him. I'm not gunna lie... 6 weeks in the same book is kinda a long time! I got excited when we'd move on to the next chapter because I had read the previous chapter at least 20 times. Not that that's a bad thing. But sometimes I would be excited to see what I'd learn that day, and it would say "read Philippians 3 for the 40th time" and I felt like there was nothing new for me. So over the break I decided to break away from that, then today I came back to Philippians. Ironically enough, I only had 1 day left. The last day of each week in the study has discussion questions that you can use if you're studying through the book as a small group, or just individual study questions. They're the type of questions you don't want to answer, the ones you avoid when you're just skimming through. You don't really want to think about "what are you going to do about what you've learned?" or "how are you going to live out God's instructions?". But I felt like a kid at an amusement park. I wanted to run on to the next fun ride, but I didn't want to stop and wait in line for 30 minutes to eat, even though food is what I need. God was like taking my hand and dragging me back into line to wait for the nourishment I needed. Thinking through the hard questions make studying the Bible more tangible. It's easier for me to see where I'm lacking, and what I need to do about it. It also helps me focus on some key points and ya know? When I asked the Holy Spirit to teach me somethin... dontcha know he actually did it? Crazy how that works out...


This is a summary of the end of Philippians...if it seems broken, I'm sorry. These are just my notes scribbled out.


Main teaching -- 

• rejoice
• claim peace
• be content
• keep a good attitude 
• keep a proper focus
• help others

What I learn about "joy" and "rejoice" --

• Joy comes from the Lord.
• Rejoicing is the result of inner joy, not based on circumstances.
• Rejoice ALL the time.
• Paul's example: He rejoiced in prison, when he was poor and hungry, in need of support.

So what does that mean for my life? - trust God for joy, don't rely on circumstances or people for happiness. Talk with God, pray and thank Him, ask Him, He guards your heart.

That promise was probably the best thing from today. Here's the passage from Philippians 4: 4-7

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Because I'm a spoiled American brat, it's so easy for me not to be content with what I have. I complain when things are the want I want them. (I'm working on that.) But, no matter what, even if I really did having something to complain about - if I was starving, in jail, abused for obeying Scripture - still there's nothing to worry about, according to Paul. 

What does this say about being anxious? DON'T DO IT! Don't be anxious, chill out. Stop complaining, stop worrying, stop trying to fix your own crises. ... Well... if I can't do any of those things... what AM I supposed to do?? 

1. Rejoice.

2. Talk to God... pray about everything. Thank God. Ask him for what you want.

Then God promises to guard your heart and mind. What an awesome promise. Who else can promise that? People can try to protect us from getting heartbroken or perverting our minds, but God is in control. He will give you peace that you cannot understand, and can't explain. Right after he promises to guard our minds, he tells us what to think about in 4:8 - things that are: true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, worthy of praise. How do we make ourselves focus on these types of things? Through Christ who is guarding our minds, remember? 

I love that one of the key words of the book of Philippians is "mind" or "attitude." I don't really struggle to obey the Bible in actions very much. Because I've always been in Christian environments, I'm pretty good at looking like a good Christian kid. But many of my sins are rooted in my mind and no doubt, the sinful actions I do are a result of an already sinful mind. My mind needs more work. 

There's more from the discussion questions I could type out but I'm not trying to make a 35 minute sermon here. 

*The most powerful thing spoken to me during this study: I must give up my life, be willing to forsake EVERY thing, all my comforts, my pride, my privileges, even what I think are my "rights," for the Lord. Why? The reward is to know Him more.

Whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed I count everything as loss becuase of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish in order that I may gain Christ... -Philippians 3:7-9

*The hardest thing for me to do: Stay humble.

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others... -Philippians 2:3-4

Christmas, of course.

It's Christmas Eve. Isn't it funny how everyone is supposed to be so excited for Christmas and the joy that comes along with such a fun time of giving and being around family? Yet, look around. Go to the mall, walmart, or even just drive past. Am I missing the joy? I'm not seeing much! We've taken a sacred holiday (holy day) reserved for remembering the birth of Christ and twisted it into a selfish, hectic, and most stressful time of all. I have to get all these presents for all these people and I have to spend as much money as she spent on me and I must have the perfect tree and decorations, and heaven forbid if someone else take the last hickory honey ham (like Christmas with the Kranks)! What if I forget someone who remembered me? Did I send a Christmas card to those people I haven't seen since high school 15 years ago??

There's so much stress and, as my high school English teacher would call it, foofaraw! In my family, I only have mom and dad to buy presents for. My mom buys things for my cousins and grandparents. That leaves me with 2 people to buy for! Then of course my friends. Christmas doesn't really stress me out at all because I just don't have much to worry about. I hope that when I have my own family we will focus on spending time together and not worry so much about gifts and greetings. These distractions take away from the real meaning of Christmas, celebrating the birth of the One who makes redemption possible, the One who was born to die, the One who left all the splendor and lovliness of heaven to come to a filthy, sin-filled earth where people, the very ones he came to save would reject him. I wouldn't have done that, and if we're honest, no one really would. But Jesus, God the Son, - in his perfect amazing plan - did. Paul, the writer of Romans, recognized this wonderful irony.

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person -- though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die -- but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

How can we be so selfish when we reflect on the self-less origin of Christmas!? I get so excited about what I think people will get me for Christmas, because I do afterall except SOMEthing, and something good. Often I am disappointed, because I'm picky. I think I'm pretty easy to buy for, but I don't think anyone agrees with me. Many times I'm ungrateful because ... if you can't buy the right thing, just don't buy anything at all! That's the wrong attitude though.

On the other side, many people, especially on one side of my family, give gifts just to say that they gave something. They feel bad if they don't give me anything for Christmas, so they just find ANYthing to give me, even if it's pointless and I wouldn't really like it. Then I feel bad for not liking the gift... But shouldn't they feel bad for not really thinking about their gift? I feel like they just give in order to make themselves feel better. It certainly doesn't make me, the recipient feel good to get a senseless gift, and even worse, hate it. I'm not really one to act to please someone, so if I don't like something, it's not exactly a secret. 

There we go again; gifts, gifts, gifts... who cares??! We all do, but should we? Does it really matter if I get a senseless gift? Does it really matter that they got me something - regardless of the reason? No... the only thing that really matters is the true reason of Christmas. It's difficult to stay focused on the story we all know and hear every year multiple times in December.

Soon it'll be over, and our lives go on with or without the gifts we wanted. The only thing we really need, Jesus, is still there all year long. Aren't you glad he didn't decide to only give us forgiveness, grace, mercy - all the undeserved privileges we take for granted - only at Christmas time? Let's be thankful now and all year long.