Confidence to find grace

Today I am thankful that God doesn't just leave us alone. God disciplines his children. And it's not a slap on the wrist or sitting in time out. It's like he just takes your heart and squeezes it til you cry "mercy." I don't mean to make my God sound harmful, but discipline is ultimately good. It's for His glory and to make his children more like Himself. I don't know if you have those friends who will really tell you when you're wrong or call you out when you're not doing your best, but God has put a couple of those people in my life. And they're not friends who are college students that I hang out with all the time. But I am beyond grateful for these people because they have helped me grow spiritually. I'm pretty convinced after today that God uses people to discipline his children also. When we're kids, it's our parents. But when we're adults, he can use a number of things to figuratively punch us in the face. Today, it was harsh words from someone. All day I've been on the verge of tears and will probably cry before I finish this post, again. 

What I've learned today:- I am weak.- Weakness isn't bad. "When I'm weak, then am I strong" said Paul. God's strength is made perfect in my weakness (something I don't understand).

- Discipline sucks.

- Discipline is good for you.

- A good friend will still hold you like a parents holds that child throwing a fit, kicking and screaming for mom to put him down. A friend will give you the tough stuff, then hold you til you calm down and can act right.

- I'm naked in front of God. He exposes everything in me.

- I am invited to come to the throne of grace with boldness.

- There, there is mercy and grace to help in time of need.Basically, I need him desperately...

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account... Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:12-13, 16)

a letter to me...

It is so cool to see God answering prayers in different ways. I've had prayers that it seems like there's no answer or that it's "no," but other answers to prayer are starting to be unveiled. I've always "known" that God answers prayer in His timing, but I'm starting to see how annoying that is for a selfish impatient daughter. In little ways, God answers me every day. When I feel so tired and unmotivated to do anything because my school is stupid and the people at my school are less than smart and I'd just rather be doing anything else... God gives me the encouragement and motivation I need. It seems like every Tuesday sucks for me until the last part of my day... so I thought last night "I need to write a letter to myself to read every Tuesday that will give me a little hope."

Dear me,
Let's face it. Tuesdays suck. It's not Monday, but it's not Friday. Even Mondays are better! You get pretty much no time to yourself. Your teachers are just annoyingly chipper and critical of everything you actually like. Chapel usually is overrated. You'll just eat lunch with the same people again and then try not to fall asleep in class....again. Then you'll go to work and your kids will decide to be extraordinarily inquisitive just because they can tell you have a headache from your lack of caffeine. Just be extra sweet to them. Because even if you're "extra sweet" today... it'll just be your normal patience level on a regular day that doesn't suck this bad. That one girl that's always super loud (what is she deaf in one ear or something?), she's gonna poke you over and over to get your attention, so just give her a hug instead of yelling at her to stop being a pest. Smile at all the parents, because hey! They're taking their kid with them! What more could you ask for? Okay... only a few more hours. I know you've been contemplating all day whether or not you really want to go to church tonight. You do. Just go. You never walk away thinking "dang it. why did I go? I could be asleep right now." And every time you skip? There's always those people who are like "You missed out last night." And you just regret it. So go. You get to sing songs that actually mean something, talk to people who have the same struggles you do, listen to music that is actually well done and it won't be those people from chapel that you're thinking "ugh...you again? just stop singing." - it's actually people who are good at what they do. You get to hear from someone about the best thing ever to talk about - your precious Savior who is always faithful and never runs out on you. Have you ever NOT learned something from whoever is preaching on a Tuesday night? Um... nope. So be excited! go! And be happy about it dang it! Then just go home and go to sleep.
You're welcome,
me.

Welcome to a little bit of my thoughts to myself....

A cold Hawaiian day

My last post was on the serious side of things, so this should lighten things up a bit. My mind has been in blog mode all day which means anything remotely interesting registers as "I could blog about that!" We'll see how much of that really makes it into this blog.

When I woke up this morning, I thought, "I wanna be a teacher!" Today was a teacher day. Tomorrow - probably won't be. We'll just see. For those who don't know, I'm majoring in English Education and Psychology. I want to be a school counselor, but I also could see myself teaching. sometimes. like today. 

I started the morning off meeting Lindi for coffee/brunch. Last week we did the same thing, but it wasn't just to hang out. For a couple months now, every day we try to text each other a Bible verse, or something we've learned that day concerning our relationship with Christ. It's amazing how much better I've been about staying on track simply because she'll text me a verse. I don't read my Bible just because I want to send her a verse, but it gives me that extra push to actually DO it, then God gives the rewards of it. So starting last week we decided to share our verses in person for that day, and it was really cool! For January we decided to read through Proverbs together. Today being the third, we read Proverbs 3 out loud and made fun notes about it. It's very cool to be able to do that with a friend. I've never had that, and I'm not sure why, but I'm sure glad I do now!

After Lindi and I had our lovely time, I went to Fresh Market. Have you ever been to Fresh Market? It's not enough just to know about Fresh Market; you must experience Fresh Market. This is how Fresh Market makes me feel. I walk in and everything is green, I feel healthy! I hear classical music, I feel sophisticated and fancy. I see fresh stuff that's not in Walmart, I feel wealthy! THEN! I see oriental, exotic, unAmerican things which make me feel less American! Truly, it is an experience. Here's a picture of my stuff I got.

 The cheese is baby swiss. I don't like aged swiss, but I could eat this whole block in one sitting. Chocolate covered peanuts are always yummy and remind me of my grandpa. Then those little squares are for me to share with you as part of the unAmerican experience! I'm not even sure what they are yet! because that's not English. I'm assuming hazlenut for the green, then the brown one is a cracker? We'll see :)

After my Fresh experience, I consumed some cheeeeese (enough to go with one serving of the crackers lol), then went for a walk with my mom at the park. Lucy, my dog, came too. It was so pretty! It was about 30 degrees all day today. This is cold for Chattanooga. We complain when it's 60 degrees in December, then cry when it's 30 in January... gotta talk about somethin I reckon. I thought it was pretty lovely considering I had on leggings, jeans, socks, 1...2..3 shirts, a hoodie, and a jacket, a scarf and a hat. The sun was refreshing today.

Where I spend my summers.

After our walk, we (I) made pizza. It was alright I guess... At least it was pretty...

Before it went in the oven

It's a Hawaiian pizza since it has ham and pineapple. When I have a family some day, I want to have at least one night each week that's a theme party (mostly dinner). For example, tonight would have been Hawaiian night and my girls would wear grass skirts and leighs and the boys would wear tacky flowery shirts with shorts. We would do something that people from the chosen culture do. Like... if we were asian maybe we would eat with chopsticks while sitting on pillows on the floor. I'd do my research and make it educational and fun for my kiddos.

Two more semi-related things:

Related to my time with Lindi: School starts next week for both of us. Right now, it's easy to do my study of the Bible and prayer time because I want to do it and I feel like doing it. When I have homework for 3 classes, paper for another, and a test in another? I'm not gunna feel like doing it. I won't have time. But I have to make time, and make myself do it even when I don't feel like it. Hopefully this accountability thing Lindi and I have will help push both of us forward in doing it. If you care to pray for us, do. Maybe my readers can keep me accountable by making sure I mention something I'm learning every so often, like every week when I blog (like I'm supposed to....).

Kiddos!: I have so missed my kids! I don't really miss going to work, but I do miss the joy they bring me daily. Tomorrow I will see them again. No, I don't feel like getting up and getting ready for work, but I do look forward to seeing their smiling faces and eagerness to see what snack we have or what games we'll play or if they have to wear their jackets outside. I'm pretty sure that tomorrow nothing they do will make me mad because I will just be so glad to see them again! I pray that this extra time with their family and less structured time will make them excited to come back to school (Yeah right), and that I'll be able to manage all of them despite this recovery from vacation. How thankful I am for a job that I adore with children who make my life such a bright place to live! :D I'm sure you'll be hearing about some of the cute things they say or do that I'd like to share. Until then...