Thabiti's book (I just like the name Thabiti.)

Well, I'm here! I'm not gunna ignore the fact that I haven't posted in 2 months; I'm just not going to talk about it. A few things have changed in my life in the past 2 months - some disappointing, but others proof of God's grace (undeserved favor) on me. Relationships have changed... some are leaving and some are beginning to grow. Life is exciting, really. It's always interesting how things turn out. I've had some great expectations for what I thought my summer would look like. However, that's not how it's gunna be, and I'm very glad. I think this is the first post I've made since I got a Mac! That's cool...

I've partially put off writing because it HAS been so long and I'm just not even sure what to say. But I've got to start some time, so here we go. One of the sorta big things that has happened between my last post and now is that I'm officially a member of my church, Brainerd Baptist. They have a "Membership Matters" class for people who are interested in becoming a member, or just learning more about our church. Parts of the class are boring because it's basic knowledge - facts that are crucial to the foundation of church membership, but just stuff that I've known since I've grown up in churches. Other parts of it were interesting, but my favorite part was all the new, free stuff I got (consumer Christian, I know). They gave me four new books, 3 that I didn't have before.

The one my college pastor suggested I read first is What Is A Healthy Church Member? by Thabiti Anyabwile (yeah I can't say it either). It gives 10 marks of a healthy church member, and if I had thought about this before finishing chapter 8, I would've written a post on every chapter. But... I'm too anxious to read other books this summer to go back and read it again just to blog about it. Mark 7 (of a healthy church member) says that a healthy church member seeks discipline. Since school has been out and my work schedule isn't consistent right now, it's so much harder for me to designate a time for reading the Bible. I can't blame my schedule though. The only thing I can blame is my own lack of discipline, apathetic attitude, and forgotten faith that the Word can speak truth into my life and that it is how God speaks to me personally.

Thabiti's book helped me to examine myself by asking these questions:

• As we read the Bible, are we reading for information only or with faith that God actually speaks through his Word?
• Is our first reaction to the Scripture "how does this make me feel?" or "do I accept this as true?" Do we allow our feelings to determine what's true, or do we allow the Scriptures to determine our feelings?

We should receive the Word "with a friendly and submissive heart." "Specifically, we accept the fact that the Bible is true, that it's the only sufficient authority for shaping our lives, and that it must govern how we feel and think."

This helped me to realize that the reason I just haven't been excited about being in the Word everyday is even though I know the Bible is true and God's avenue of communication for us, I "forgot." I wasn't applying the truth to my heart and applying it to my life. If I had been truly believing that God will speak and that I'm doing more than gleaning information, I would have found a desire for reading it. "The Bible was not written to satisfy your curiousity; it was written to transform your life" (not sure who said that, but I remember it).

When a believer is seeking discipline (mark 7), he/she will be a growing disciple (mark 8).

I know I'm not the only Christian whose had those months of no growth. It's so easy in a Christian environment with Bible classes and chapels to rely on that for my spiritual feeding. But, that's not ultimately satisfying because that's not how God designed for us to be nourished. What I learned from this chapter is that I should always be striving for maturity. Here are some quotes and main points from chapter 8 in Thabiti's book:

• "We're far too vulnerable to settling for being thought of as mature rather than actually being mature."

• We get stuck in a performance trap that hinders growth. - So many things in American culture are measured by performance (sports stats, grammy awards, etc...) and we carry that mindset over to our relationship with the Lord. If we have enough quiet times, read enough books, and listen to enough sermons, then we're spiritually healthy, right? No - This isn't growth.

• Growth is also not relative to how the other Christians around you are doing. You're not a strong Christian just because you are surrounded by weaker ones. God won't compare us to others when he judges our lives. 

• "Self-effort is not the source of true spiritual growth." This was probably the root of my lack of discipline. I so often revert back to my own strength to grow spiritually instead of asking the Spirit to mature me. "Holy Scripture tells us that our progress in discipleship and spiritual maturity depends on the grace and will of God, not on our own self-effort and strength."

I might write a post on the next 2 chapters if I feel like it. But God has used this book to convict me, and I definitely recommend it. It's simple enough for the normal person to understand but profound enough to challenge you. And the best part was... it was free. :) 

Confidence to find grace

Today I am thankful that God doesn't just leave us alone. God disciplines his children. And it's not a slap on the wrist or sitting in time out. It's like he just takes your heart and squeezes it til you cry "mercy." I don't mean to make my God sound harmful, but discipline is ultimately good. It's for His glory and to make his children more like Himself. I don't know if you have those friends who will really tell you when you're wrong or call you out when you're not doing your best, but God has put a couple of those people in my life. And they're not friends who are college students that I hang out with all the time. But I am beyond grateful for these people because they have helped me grow spiritually. I'm pretty convinced after today that God uses people to discipline his children also. When we're kids, it's our parents. But when we're adults, he can use a number of things to figuratively punch us in the face. Today, it was harsh words from someone. All day I've been on the verge of tears and will probably cry before I finish this post, again. 

What I've learned today:- I am weak.- Weakness isn't bad. "When I'm weak, then am I strong" said Paul. God's strength is made perfect in my weakness (something I don't understand).

- Discipline sucks.

- Discipline is good for you.

- A good friend will still hold you like a parents holds that child throwing a fit, kicking and screaming for mom to put him down. A friend will give you the tough stuff, then hold you til you calm down and can act right.

- I'm naked in front of God. He exposes everything in me.

- I am invited to come to the throne of grace with boldness.

- There, there is mercy and grace to help in time of need.Basically, I need him desperately...

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account... Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:12-13, 16)

Everything I Need

You know those friends you have that you might go talk to when things are going well in your life and they encourage you and you both act like everything is peachy? Then... you know those friends that you can hang out with when things really are peachy but you can also come to them with your burdens and pain. I have plenty of friends that I can talk to about basic things, but when I really need to talk... I don't go to people. My best friends have been the ones who can tell when I'm not okay and ask the right questions to break me down til I just spill everything out. My best friends have told me when I'm not acting right and when I need to work on things. They don't just smile like everything's perfect all the time.

I'm glad I don't have a God that just exists to make me feel better. Yes, God  loves me and has tons of promises I can cling to... but the part I like least about God's love is his discipline. Like any good father, he doesn't let me get away with things that aren't pleasing to him. Often times it's hard for me to point out my own sin even when I think about it for a few minutes. I'm a pretty good person by people's standards... so to find my deepest sins I have to look beyond what people can see - into my heart. Some sins are evident by people's behavior/lifestyle and some are inward and not easily detectable.

God's definitely not finished with me yet but he's just starting to chisel away at me. I have issues with authority for a few different reasons, but those aren't important. Some authority is great because they understand me and I understand them. But in more than one of my jobs, dealing with my boss has been the hardest part of the job. I have an idea in my head of how I think a boss should run things and if that doesn't happen I tend to think I don't need to be submissive. God's put certain people in my life to show up my pride. ... Don't ask God to show you things you need to get rid of... he'll do it, and it hurts.

This song, Everything I Need, tells how God is much greater than me. He is strong when I'm not. He's comfort when I'm uncomfortable. When I NEED someone... He's there. He's not the friend who acts like everything is perfect. He's the friend who holds me when I need to cry, tells me when I'm wrong, and stands by me to make me into the right person. I don't even understand everything I need... but He does. And He fulfills that.