I Can't Get Over You

Tonight I'm praying. Not exclusively. Actually it's kinda the last thing I'm doing. But I'm praying. Because I don't want to talk to anyone but someone who understands me. And only my Creator can.

I'm praying for someone else who can understand me. I'm not praying for a husband who's pure or godly or strong or educated or emotionally stable or popular or passionate. Not tonight. I'm praying for a man who can just understand me. Which... is probably more than all of those things put together.

Sometimes, the week just piles up on you. Even after you skip school and eat a bunch of chocolate, it's just not enough to soothe my soul. I love my job. I love my children more than I ever imagined I would love a little person. But they don't give you any alone time. They want you there constantly. They always have a question, always have something to show off, and need a bandaid or a hug. And I love that about them. I love that they need me. But I need me time. And after a while, I just have to get away. From my little loves, from my friends, from my family, from my home... and just be alone.

So... what happens when I'm married and have kids? When I have a defeating week, I can't just run out on them. I can't just leave the house without my phone and not worry then. And so I'm praying for a husband who understands me. Who knows how to detect that I'm tired and hormonal and broken. Who knows what I need when all those words describe me, and who doesn't feel abandoned because I need a minute alone. The more I think about all that I want, the more I realize I should really be praying for him because he's gunna need the Lord's help to be all this for me. And I know he's not perfect, but I'm praying.

The first time I heard this song, I watched the acoustic video of them singing it and my heart swelled up. That video is no longer available (sad day), but I found this one about "behind the song" and it may even fit better with this post. 

Even though I loved the voices and melody, the words of this song made me a little critical. I'm not really into songs about God that could be sung to your boyfriend as well. But the more I hear this and really meditate on it, the less I am critical. 

I'm so thankful that even though I'm an emotional roller coaster some weeks, and one day I'm your friend and the next I'm not, God's not like that. He's always the same. He remains and his love is the same even when I'm 2-faced. 

"I can't get over you" isn't about a bad break-up. It's about how overwhelming the Lord's love is, especially when we resist it. His love has covered me. 

"I can't get over the way your love stays the same O Lord. I can't get over the way your love stays the same. Even through the good and the bad times, you stay the same. So my song will remain.

Hold me just a little bit closer, I don't wanna lose this moment. Your love has covered me and now I can't get over you."

"This moment" isn't embracing someone for those last 5 minutes before curfew. And a relationship with God shouldn't be based on emotions, but it is emotional. We are emotional. So there are moments when you just stop and see God. Tonight I just left my phone behind and drove. Into nature, into the sunset and open fields. I definitely want to live out in the country and not in a neighborhood some day. I was admiring the fields and horses and felt like I was in Ireland or Scotland with all the green around me and hills in the distance. But I eventually just had to stop. In the middle of the highway, I just stopped my car and sat down to watch the sun go down, to think about how beautiful the Lord is, and that was one of those moments when I just couldn't get over Him. I wanted to be held even closer. And the good thing is, I never have to say "goodnight" to God. He'll hold me as long as I hold onto Him and still doesn't let go when I run away. So when I listened to this song on my way home and heard "I don't wanna lose this moment," I understood it in a new way. God promises that when we pursue a relationship with Him, we'll find him. When I draw close to God, he'll come close to me. 

Going back to the husband thing, with a God like that, obviously no man can compare. But I'm praying for a man that can imitate that love for me that my Father has and that God will (in time) reveal to this man how to deal with me (because it'll likely take a revelation from God for someone to understand all this complicated mess). 

So... no matter how many annoying, stressful, insignificant yet urgent things are going on around me, my song should remain. I need to still praise Him.

"I will sing to the Lord as long as I live;

I will sing praise to my God while I have being.

May my meditation be pleasing to him,

for I rejoice in the Lord."

Psalm 104:33-34

a little schizo...

It's been over a week since my last post and I could stand to wait another week probably. I can't really explain what's going on here. I have ALOT to say and share about what's been going on between me and God. But part of me thinks... this blog isn't just for talking about spiritual things. And I also feel like ... I have nothing to say. I don't need to say anything. I need to be quiet for once. So... I'm not really sure where this is going. I guess I can't help but talk about the things I love...

I'm thankful for friends. Jessica has been my friend since we were 9 years old. We haven't always loved each other but now that we're adults and more mature, all the ups and downs in the past 12 years have made our friendship all the more special. She moved away from Chattanooga last summer and of course that's hard. But I know there's a purpose for it and I hope that some day we can live near each other again.

I think this was around 9th grade? I've always loved it.

I'm pretty sure I've told mine and Lindi's life story in a previous blog, but I'm so thankful for her too. It is SOO necessary to have friends who share your belief system and who you can share with. Lindi and I are really different and sometimes I'm not real sure how we get along so well, but I am glad we do. I think we were certainly put together for many reasons. I love that I can be myself with her.

This song has been one of my favorites and I've been wanting to share it.. so I am. There's lots of things I want to share but never do... so here's some!

"For as the surest source of destruction to men is to obey themselves, so the only haven of safety is to have no other will, no other wisdom, than to follow the Lord wherever he leads..." - John Calvin

"The self-denial Jesus speaks of is always the surrender of a lesser, dying self for a greater, eternal one -- the person God intended when he created you. Confidence in this gives the occasion of 'greatly rejoicing, with joy unspeakable and full of glory' (1 Peter 1:8, PAR). Jesus does not deny us personal fulfillment but shows us the only true way to it. In him we 'find our life.'" - Dallas Willard

side note: I love my pandora 2011 Top Christian Hits station...

"Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. ... The LORD will fight for you and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14:13-14

"observe and seek out all the commandments of the LORD and your God... know the God of your father and serve him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought... Be strong and courageous and do it. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the LORD God even my God is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the..LORD is finished." 1Chronicles 28:8-9,20

"Ask God to give you a passionate prayer life." -Robby Gallaty

Do you ever feel like you do the same thing everyday? I sometimes HATE the fact that we are creatures of habit. I don't like that everyone always sits in the same spot in class. I don't like that people always order the same thing at the same restaurants. I don't like that they always park in the same place. I don't like that they always talk to the same people and don't branch out. Why should I talk to someone else? I'm talking to these people I've gone to school with for 10+ years and I'm okay with that ... that's the reasoning behind it whether it's conscious or not. Anyway... I hate being like that so I've tried to do some things that will get me out of that rut. May I challenge you to sit with someone you've never met? Introduce yourself to a stranger and listen to them instead of talking about yourself. Look people in the eye when you walk past them. Don't just say you'll pray for people. REALLY pray for them and encourage them every now and then by texting them or buying them coffee. Ask someone you work with to go eat with you... even if you don't think you could be friends with them. Don't let your life go by wishing you knew more people, wishing you knew more about the people around you. Invest in someone's life even if it's just a little bit. It's rewarding and fun to see what happens when you don't always do what's habitually expected.

Lindi and I are friends because we went out to eat after work ... not knowing anything about each other really. The best friendships are the ones you have to work to make them work. You get out of it what you put into it (sometimes).